Laws of Attraction

By showing of hands how many of you have read the genious book "He's just not THAT into you" or at least seen the movie? I have done both and I have to say that it has changed my perspective on so many levels when it comes to guys and dating.
I feel so much more ready and able to help my friends with their dating needs now that I have "seen the light". My most common phrase these days seems to be "well, sorry girl but he is not that into you" where in the past it would have been "just hang in there, he'll come around he is probably just buisy/immature/emotionally unavaliable/shy/intimidated by you and so on and so on..

It was my very good friend and former companion (for those of you out there who are not LDS that means missionary companion. I am not gay) Brittany who mentioned the book to me and we both had a fun time reading and discussing it.
You dont have to be a brilliant person or a rocket scientist to grasp the message of the book. The book is written by a man and he is very straight foreward; "If we (men) want you we will let you know"

As Britt and I spent hours talking about our newly found wisdom and how this would make our lives so much easier in the future, Britt made a comment that is the basis of my entry.
"But WHY cant he just be into me...?"

"Attraction is not a choice"
We dont choose who we are attracted to, we just are. But what makes a person attractive to you? And can you by changing your apperance, hobbies etc make yourself more attractive to the object of your own attraction? And if yes will he/she be attracted to the real you or the "you" that you have tailored to meet his/her needs?

I strongly believe that the first step to becoming attractive is taking care of how we look. Always looking clean and neat. I will not go into further detail on this as I have written a long entry on "how to look beautiful" already on my facebook. All those rules written there still apply.
But we all know that looks alone will not assure a persons attractiveness. There are thousands of people out there that are stunning but never seem to manage finding a mate or have success in business.

Ok so I have pretty much established that attractiveness more than skindeep beauty and a nice physique. But what is it? Is it a light within, and do all people posess it? Is Attractiveness and Mojo the same thing? Why do we like the people we do? Why do some people have the power to make our hearts race while others of similar apperance can just walk by us without us even noticing?
And how the heck do we become that person that makes other peoples hearts race? Is my light even on? Do I need to change my batteries or something..? Hello...?

The truth of the matter is that we are all different as far as what we are attracted to. Its all in the small details. I remember my very first crush or obsession if you will. I was only 12 when I discovered this gorgeous creature who happened to be my best friends cousin. I thought he looked exactely like the "Karate Kid" and I spend the first few years of my teenage life obsessing about every little detail of his life. He of course didnt know that I existed.
It wasnt until a few years later that he noticed me. Wonder if that had anything to do with me starting to look more like a woman..anywho. At that time I had moved on to greener pastures and my attraction had died.

So my conlusion is that attraction and love are two very different things, but how many of us have not fallen into the attraction trap and thought that we have loved someone because of their dazzeling looks. I have! I have!
Attraction can cool down and eventually die, but love lasts forever.
But it still seems to me like we need that attraction bit to keep us interested long enough to find out if we love him/her.

God gaves us 5 major senses (or 6 according to "the sixth sense" I see dead people movie) and I firmly believe that all of these senses need to be intriuged in order for us to find someone attractive. And Im not just talking "oh he/she is cute" but attractive enough to make us want to pursue a relationship with them, in some cases for time and ALL eternity!

First; sight. How they look, what they wear, what image to they represent. Are they fit and healthy. Do they have a nice smile, kind eyes, shiny hair and so on. We all have our own little things we treasure more than others. For me it has always been cleanliness and a groomed look, but you might have a completely different opinion. I know many of my girl friends loves the rugged manly look. (Think Aragorn or that drunken irish actor that I cant remember the name of right now)
If you are a man you might be attracted to a wholesome prudish look or a slutty look. Different strokes for different folks

Hearing; the tone of voice; is it dominant or timid. Does he/she speak with conviction and authority. Is he/she good with words. Does he/she have a good vocabulary. Is he/she funny, does he/she express themselves well? I cant think of anything more annoying than a high pitch screamish voice or someone with bad speach manners who cuts you off mid sentance. How about their listening skills? God gaves us TWO ears and only one mouth for a reason; listening is more important. Communication is key when it comes to being attractive to someone or finding someone attractive. It is through conversation not just casual chit chat we connct with someone and get to know them.

Smell ; superimportant! There is nothing more attractive than a polite man in a suit who smells of some masculine perfume. All women agree on this. But its important to not overdo it though. Scents trigger emotions and memories.

Touch; this one kind of speaks for it self.

Taste; also speaks for itself. I will leave you to make your own conclusions...But let it be known that I have "interviewed" many male friends and they have ALL said that they have dumped chicks because of their bad making out skills..

Feel: this goes with the sixth sense and maybe the most important, at the end of the day you have to trust your insticts. How do you feel when you are around that person, do you think of him/her when they are not around. If all else fails go with the feeling in your gutt.

So my conclusion is that attractiveness is a very complex thing, its goes on so many level. And to be honest I dont think anyone could give you a right answer or a recipie on how to become more attractive. It is just one of those things that you cant explain, it just is.

Of course we can always improve ourselves and our apperance but at the end of the day the heart will feel what it wants to feel.

Attraction is not a choice, nor can we manipulate it..Just rest assured that there are people out there whos hearts races faster whenever you are near them. Maybe you have a dorky little 12 year old obsessing about you and your life...who knows..?

I finally got over my blog block, and I will try to write more often from now on.

Have a blessed Easter Celebration everybody. And just keep in mind that if no one else finds you attractive at least Christ loves you and that should count for somethin' eh? ;-)